I wouldn’t want to live in Iowa on a leap year. They are bombarded with offensive political television advertisements–from all the candidates for each party, even those who have zero chance of becoming the nominee.

There was a special election held in Virginia this past fall. The advertisements were brutal–on both sides. I had a hard time distinguishing what office each candidate was running for, or what political opinions each candidate held. I tried to judge candidates by the terrible things they said about everybody else, but it was just too confusing. All I know is that all of them are dirty rotten bastards. I held my nose while voting for the Democrats up and down. I am, after all, a liberal Democrat.

There’s the one that starts with an overweight woman in her underwear. I don’t need to see that. No warning, just the image, no chance to look away…. Their motto is: “The only thing stronger than us is you.” What are they trying to say? The human urethra is stronger than their product?

Some advertising agency has too big of a contract with Progressive. They just keep the campaign going and going, getting more desperate and lame. I don’t know who they’re joking about. They talk of “young homeowners who are starting to act like their parents.” Boomers and Gen X? We’re not young, nor are we typically homeowners. How about Gen X and Millennials? I don’t know of anyone taking their shirt off in a department store, or making small talk with everybody, all the time. Who are they poking fun of?

LIberty MUtual. Do you get it? Clever, eh? Liberty Mutual caters to the younger generation. Their commercials are so not funny that only children would laugh at them. When these children grow up and start driving, they will think fondly of Liberty Mutual. Their slogan is, “You only pay for what you need.” They all do that!

Then there’s the one with the woman talking about some cream for ladies. The woman uses the phrases, “In between your boobs,” and, “On your butt-crack.” Right there on television. What about the children?

Everyone knows that the most offense ad campaign will always be….